my mom's passing at age 92

On Saturday the 16th mom went to the beauty parlor and then to bingo. That Sunday she was in the ER, last night the 23rd. she died.  It was that fast and that shocking.  At age 92 we knew it would happen eventually, but she had always been our Energizer Bunny pulling miracles out of her hat and bouncing back no matter how dire the circumstances.   The results of her tests on the 17th were devastating, a massive heart attack on top of a stroke.  There would be no miracle this time.  Dad had always said please God let me live at least one day after her so I can take care of her. He got his wish, and with his diagnosis of stage 4 metastasized prostate cancer we didn't think he would.

I had never seen anyone die before, never knew the stages of death, never saw a last rites ceremony. It was fascinating and upsetting all at once.  I was with dad at Hospice where she had been taken. I just had a feeling that would be the night.  The nurse came in and said she was "actively dying".  I didn't really grasp what that meant.  Did that mean she had a day or two left? I found out that meant she had an hour or two! So the family was called in, Tommy and Ruth my brother and sister in law making it in from Tampa about 10 minutes before she passed.  I had whispered in her ear to hang on that Tommy and Ruth were on their way. Then I whispered again that the family was all there and if she wanted to pass she could and go to Heaven with her sister Trudy who she had told us in a lucid moment a few days prior was waiting for her.  It was a few minutes later she did.

It seems so strange that she's gone.  Last night when I took dad back to the retirement home to get a few things I would look around and see all her little knickknacks and it's just so sad.  We would remember things about her that would make us smile. Her "mystery rides" she would pile me and my sister in the car and just take off with no plan, no direction, just go.  It was so much fun and we saw parts of RI we didn't know existed. Not that it's all that big but most of RI is rural and gorgeous.

One great memory I have is when I was in elementary school: my french teacher Mr. Menard called me up to the front of the class. I thought oh God, what did I do now. But it was to thank me for having such a wonderful mother! Mom was head nurse in obstetrics and would cover for the doctors if they could not make it to the hospital in time.  Mrs. Menard's doctor could not be contacted and mom took over with a very difficult delivery! If mom hadn't been there it was very possible she would not have lived and he was so grateful and thankful!  I was so proud!  Up till that point I really didn't like my mom having a high profile career. This was the time of Ozzie and Harriet and everyone else's mom was home making cookies. My mom was up to her elbows in surgeries! I got a new perspective about just how important she was to the world, it wasn't about me.

She was unintentionally funny:   One year for Christmas she bought dad some coal that was on the Titanic. People would ask what she was getting dad for Christmas and she'd blurt out a lump of coal. Another time a woman approached us and asked how she knew mom, she knew her from somewhere, she had seen her somewhere and couldn't figure it out . She asked where mom worked and mom said :the state mental hospital". Her friend burst out laughing and said,  Oh yeah that's right that's where she knows you!"

One time she went with me to help my mother in law Koula move.  We were driving on US 19 and anyone who drives that road knows it can go from 75 to a dead stop instantly! And that's exactly what happened.  I slammed on the brakes and the huge Buick wagon fishtailed and was sliding right into the car in front! I looked in my rear view and a Greyhound bus was now sliding and fishtailing! OMG,  this is it, we're both dead!  I sharply turned the steering wheel in the other direction and now it did a 180 and was facing 4 lanes of traffic!  I peeked through terrified squinted eyes to see all 4 lanes stopped dead in their tracks! Like the parting of the RED SEA!   I was afraid to look at mom who I'm sure would be panicky and upset. Nope, she had a HUGE smile on her face, :That was great! That was just like in the movies!"  That was mom.

I am so glad our whole family which has had issues like all families have all came together to help in this crisis: my sister Roberta and her husband Steve, my brother Tommy and his wife Ruth who is a Hospice Nurse and was so valuable during this, my husband Jim, and my daughter Tara who had spent more hours holding it together with dad than anyone during this.  It's too bad it took a death to bring everyone together as a team but if that was a test we all passed.

The Prom at Salishan where they were king and queen. She was so thrilled!

Their last picture together

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Dad and Jim this morning enjoying breakfast by the pond